Gears of Bigotry
“Hail to the king, ba-!” Oh just fuck off, you decrepit old twat.
Is anyone really interested in playing Duke Nukem Forever? No. Will the Puke’s trademark objectification of woman and grating xenophobic banter remain intact in the latest iteration? Definitely not, though I’m sure the boobies will be bigger and rounder than any of the expansion packs (fnar) were allowed to make them.
Duke Nukem was originally successful because we could laugh at how stupid it knew it was, visually as we as aurally. I’m struggling to see how DNF will be able to recreate this sentiment in a world now obsessed with political correctness and high-resolution 3D. But I can personally meter out some satisfaction from the announcement…
Back when Prey’s Nth redevelopment was announced a couple of years ago I predicted that, were it to be a commercial success, 3D Realms would very seriously commit to releasing Duke Nukem Forever. I also predicted that they would achieve this by reusing Prey’s engine and pouring Nukem-themed content into it. Moreover, what with the success of meathead-centric shooter Gears of War selling in embarrassingly* high numbers, DNF’s commercial realisation was pretty much assured.
But I fail to see how 3D Realms will make the content of DNF anything more than a balls-less, cowardly, tongue-in-cheek tickle of modern day sensibilities. Perhaps complimented with ridiculous and insipid amounts of “gore” and swearing. I’m sure there’ll be plenty of tits though — expect at least one hour of the game consummate to involve running around the inside of one or more pole dancing backwaters. And don’t expect the game to last any longer than about 7 hours for a modestly experienced shooter fan anyway.
* I still remain to be convinced that Gears of War isn’t one of the laziest, mediocre and by-the-numbers games ever designed, tarted up with trowelfuls of expensive make-up and dressed in the most meagre of string bikinis. I can see Marcus Fenix’s packet about to slip out and hit Cliffy B in the face. ⇑
